I spent a week with my mom after I had my daughter, learning to adjust to being a new mom. When it was time for me to go to my new apartment I was freaking out in my head. I was tired, sore, and not ready to do this on my own yet.
My apartment was at the bottom of a hill in a neighbourhood that wasn’t always safe. It was on the top floor of the 5 level building. The elevator was my saving grace when it came to the stroller. I had no furniture except what was given to me, 2 twin beds that I pushed together, my bed set from my mothers, a crib, 2 dressers, and a changing table. My living room was all but empty, except the 2 antique end tables my mom let me borrow, an a old falling apart t.v. stand with a small 13 inch t.v on it. I had little for dishes in the kitchen and little for food. It would be 5 months before I had anything to cook with besides one old glass pot… So canned soup, sandwiches, and vitamins were what I lived off for almost 5 months. Any money I had which was about 313.00 a month went to power and food to last a full month, and the rest of the rent that welfare would not pay for. I would buy 3 packs of smokes and try to stretch them out for the month. ( I would smoke when Riley was asleep I sat on my kitchen counter with my head out the window )
I breast fed so the vitamins were very important. For those 5 months my time was spent trying to get my daughters father to come see his daughter or watching 2 seasons of the same show over and over again. Riley was growing and happy and learning new things everyday.. I was empty, my only motivation was her, the love I had for her kept me moving. Her father visited once or twice, as did his mother and few of my old friends from before I had her. When Riley was 3 months old she came down with a fever so high it burnt my skin, I of coarse went into panic mode. My dad showed up ( which is surprising since he wasn’t around for most of my life), he took us to the children’s ER, I couldn’t even be in the room when they gave my tiny little girl a spinal tap and blood work, she was so small. We were admitted for 3 days. Luckily it was a UTI (urinary tract infection), she had 6 UTI’s before they finally diagnosed her with Kidney reflux ( her right kidney did not filter bacteria), this meant that no matter what I did she would get them, she was put on permanent daily antibiotics. Her father didn’t come to one doctors visit, didn’t show up when she would have to go to the ER and be admitted. I was alone.
In Canada we get something called a Canada Child Tax Benefit and a Universal Tax Benefit, and since I was so low income I was able to get an additional 500.00 a month to live. I was able to eat again, and buy a shower curtain, and pans and pots, everything that was essential. For the first time in 5 months I didn’t have to hand-wash clothing, I had more then 2 towels, I could buy bras that fit, and even get a cellphone that didn’t have to be connected to a charger all day. The little things were big things for me. Eating was amazing, I forgot how good of a cook I was.
Riley’s father was very in and out for the next year, never more then a few hours with her, and after battles with his family vs me, I gave up, I stopped talking to him and waited for him to come to me. He didn’t. By the time I was 20, I was getting ready to go back to school and finish my high school. I got Riley into an awesome daycare that was subsidized and covered by welfare, and I felt like I was going somewhere, that I could was pulling myself out of my depression. I was right I was happy and Riley was happy, and my new friends were great, I even rekindled old friendships, life was good. In 7 months I received 12 credits my diploma with honours and 96.5 % average.
On the day of my graduation I met Brandon..setting off what would become the worst and stupidest 11 months to this day…. To be continued
Single Parent Talk 