Job Hunting Sucks

I graduated from my program in June, and I have have been applying for jobs since may, No luck.

I’ve been on a few interviews and it seems that the employer is fond of me.  They always have a smile and tell me all about the job, when I would start, I’ve even been introduced to a few people in the office, all good signs.  To my dismay I always get that phone call or e-mail saying ” I’m sorry but we have given this opportunity to someone more qualified” or “This position is now unavailable”.  I went as far as to Google myself and see if there is anything negative posted about me or maybe something else that would cost me the job;  I have discovered nothing of the sort.

So my motto right now seems to be “To get a job I need experience, to get a experience I need a job”.  Hey employers cut a girl a break will you please.  I am a hard worker, and all I need is a foot in the door.   I’m a mom I can’t afford to go months without employment, and it’s not like I can just go apply for random job’s, I am only able to work during certain times of the day.

To make matters worse, I don’t have an extensive list of references,  I have been a mom for the last 4 1/2 years, Employers tend not to extend references past 2 or 3 years.  I have numerous written references from professors, but over the phone verbal references I really only have one manager, and one co-worker.  Unfortunately some places deem 4 written references and 2 verbal references not to be enough.

I completely revamped my whole resume and cover letter, I have had my mother (who is highly respected in her field as a project manager of IT) and other person who evaluate resumes consistently to review it, and none of these distinguished people have found an issue with my resume or cover letter.  So my question I guess is, does anyone have any tips or advice for me.  I’m open to anything ?

Part 3… Fresh Start

Okay….

I feel like I can’t explain Brandon until I explain Ryan first.  My older sister took the same adult program I took just a year before.  This program is where she met her fiancée and where she met who would soon be one of my best friends.   Over the course of a year Ryan and  I became really close after we met, I knew he had feelings for me but I made it clear more than once that I was not interested in a relationship, he was however a great support and always there when I needed him.  Even though I had given him many opportunities  to  end our friendship he was sure that he still wanted to remain friends.

Okay now we can move on to Brandon.   I met him through some mutual friends, and from the moment we met we had what I thought was a strong connection.  Everything moved fast in our relationship, I fell for him fast, he said he loved me.   About a month and a half into our relationship, I get a phone call at 10:00 a.m.  Brandon had been severely hurt at work  and I was the one he wanted with him at the hospital.   With my daughter at daycare I quickly got to the hospital to be with him.  His injury was bad, he needed surgery and months of rehab, he wasn’t going to be able to take care of himself,  and since his parents lived hours away that was not an option.   He would be on disability leave  from work for the summer at least, meaning not only would he be unable to take care of himself, he wouldn’t have enough money to support himself.  Well I was stupid enough to allow him to stay with me.  It was only supposed to be a temporary situation for a month or so until he could do things for himself again.  Well it was 3 months, and by then we were so used to living with each other and Riley was comfortable with him that we decided to find a bigger place to live.  With my acceptance into a university and Student Loans  making me un-eligible for other financial help, it made the most sense for us to help each other financially and at least have a 2 bedroom apartment while doing it.

In the beginning of September we moved into a 2 bedroom apartment together.  I thought things would be they were at my old place, but they weren’t.   His friends were over all the time… Drinking and playing video games  ..  I would cook and clean and go to school to take care of them and work part-time , and it all just became too much.  Our relationship was falling apart, we fought almost everyday for a while until we just didn’t fight anymore and held everything back.  Then eventually one of us would explode.   Once he was able to go back to work things started working out a little bit better, or that’s what I thought.  One day he came home from work and we sat down and ate, and put Riley to bed,  and we were talking about how some things needed to change or we weren’t  going to work, which we had both agreed we didn’t want.  So I told him to go out with his friends for a bit and we can talk when he comes home again.. two hours later, our mutual friend calls me and tell me he is sorry to hear about Brandon and I.   Yea… I found out that we were breaking up from someone other than my boyfriend….  Needless to say I think I went a little nuts, I was so mad, I was in hysterics.

Since it was his apartment technically and I was just an occupant, I had to find a place to stay.  My mom would not take me in,  no one really would.  Assistance would not cover me until I was no longer receiving Student Loan,  I couldn’t work evenings anymore because I had no one to watch Riley, and I wasn’t getting any day time hours because of my school schedule.  I dropped out of school, I tried to work as much as I could during the day for the first few weeks so I could get out of the apartment, but  10-20 hours  a week wasn’t working… so I was stuck…   When Christmas came I was distraught,  how was I suppose to give my daughter a Christmas without  any money.  Ryan volunteered to help, I told him no at first, but he convinced me to let him help, and for my daughter I was desperate.    Thank you  Ryan.

17 and pregnant ..18 and mom …Part 2

I spent a week with my mom after I had my daughter, learning to adjust to being a new mom. When it was time for me to go to my new apartment I was freaking out in my head.  I was tired, sore, and not ready to do this on my own yet.  

My apartment was at the bottom of a hill in a neighbourhood that wasn’t always safe.  It was on the top floor of the 5 level building.  The elevator was my saving grace when it came to the stroller.  I had no furniture except what was given to me,  2 twin beds that I pushed together, my bed set from my mothers, a crib, 2 dressers, and a changing table.  My living room was all but empty, except the 2 antique end tables my mom let me borrow, an a old falling apart t.v. stand with a small 13 inch t.v on it.  I had little for dishes in the kitchen and little for food.  It would be 5 months before I had anything to cook with besides one old glass pot… So canned soup,  sandwiches, and vitamins  were what I lived off for almost 5 months.  Any money I had which was about 313.00 a month went to power and food to last a full month, and the rest of the rent that welfare would not pay for. I would buy 3 packs of smokes and try to stretch them out for the month. ( I would smoke when Riley was asleep I sat on my kitchen counter with my head out the window )

I breast fed so the vitamins were very important.  For those 5 months my time was spent trying to get my daughters father to come see his daughter or watching 2 seasons of the same show over and over again.  Riley was growing and happy and learning new things everyday.. I was empty, my only motivation was her, the love I had for her kept me moving.  Her father visited once or twice, as did his mother and few of my old friends from before I had her.  When Riley was 3 months old she came down with a fever so high it burnt my skin, I of coarse went into panic mode.  My dad showed up ( which is surprising since he wasn’t around for most of my life), he took us to the children’s ER, I couldn’t even be in the room when they gave my tiny little girl a spinal tap and blood work, she was so small.  We were admitted for 3 days.  Luckily it was a UTI (urinary tract infection), she had 6 UTI’s before they finally diagnosed her with Kidney reflux ( her right kidney did not filter bacteria), this meant that no matter what I did she would get them, she was put on permanent daily antibiotics.   Her father didn’t come to one doctors visit, didn’t show up when she would have to go to the ER and be admitted.  I was alone. 

In Canada we get something called a Canada Child Tax Benefit and a Universal Tax Benefit, and since I was so low income I was able to get an additional 500.00 a month to live.  I was able to eat again, and buy a shower curtain, and pans and pots, everything that was essential.  For the first time in 5 months I didn’t have to hand-wash clothing, I had more then 2 towels, I could buy bras that fit, and even get a cellphone that didn’t have to be connected to a charger all day.  The little things were big things for me.  Eating was amazing, I forgot how good of a cook I was.   

Riley’s father was very in and out for the next year, never more then a few hours with her, and after battles with his family vs me, I gave up, I stopped talking to him and waited for him to come to me.  He didn’t.   By the time I was 20, I was getting ready to go back to school and finish my high school.  I got Riley into an awesome daycare that was subsidized and covered by welfare, and I felt like I was going somewhere, that I could was pulling myself out of my depression.  I was right I was happy and Riley was happy, and my new friends were great, I even rekindled old friendships, life was good.  In 7 months I received 12 credits my diploma with honours and 96.5 % average.  

On the day of my graduation I met Brandon..setting off what would become the worst  and stupidest 11 months to this day…. To be continued 

17 and Pregnant .. 18 and Mom part 1

Where do I start……

I got pregnant at 17… yes another teenage pregnancy, but my stories a little different.  I was with the father of my daughter for 4 years when I got pregnant the first time and had a miscarriage at 14 weeks.  After that I started being a little more cautious, but not that cautious, you see I was one of the teens who was rebelling against everyone because I couldn’t get out of my own way long enough to see that I was being an idiot.  Well when I got pregnant again I was scared and told I was not getting an abortion, which at that time I didn’t approve of abortions anyway. So here I am 17 pregnant, living with my boyfriend and his parents (since my mom had thrown me out 2 months earlier ) I was working full-time for a call centre and I hated it.  Every day became the same, I would wake up get sick get dressed get sick, brush my teeth, do my make up , get sick, redo my teeth, walk to bus stop (10 minutes away) get on the bus and 9 times out of 10 have to get off early to yet again get sick. I would then continue to work start my shift feeling horrible, go the whole day on the phone feeling horrible just to catch the shuttle home at 2 a.m.  get sick, and have to clean a disgusting kitchen (my chore).

Well doesn’t that sound like fun.  I hardly communicated with my boyfriend anymore and I was becoming more miserable with everyday, when I tried to approach my boyfriend about my depression, well I felt Ignored.   I conducted a little experiment, I left for a week,  During that week I got laryngitis and well I was newly pregnant with a past miscarriage so I wouldn’t take anything.  I had doctors notes daily and called in hoping they would understand that I couldn’t talk on the phone with no voice… Well sadly, I was mistaken. I was fired…

40 hours… doesn’t seem like much, less than 2 straight days. 1 work week.. that’s how many hours short I was of qualifying for maternity leave in march. That’s how many hours I was from being out of my probation period at work… 40 hours….

I went back to the home I was so miserable in with promises of change, and support. I didn’t get any, only a lecture from a man who wasn’t even my father or my guardian.. I lasted 4 days before I packed what I could and left.  I begged for my mom to take me back.. I crashed on numerous friends couches, I slept on my step dads cat smelly couch for 3 weeks before she said yes, on the condition I was out when they baby is born. Yup.  So I tried everything to figure out and my only option was assistance from the government…welfare… Guess what, I was 18 and too young to qualify…Until my mom had her heart attack..

Lets go back to the heart attack.  2 a.m. I’m finally able to go to bed.  I go upstairs 7 1/2 months

Top 5 New Mom/Dad Questions?

The most commonly asked questions by any new parent. These may be targeted to the single parent but its works just as well for non-single parents.

1.  q )How will I know what each cry means?a)  Every Parent will find this helpful…..  No parent in the beginning knows why there child is crying, this will come in time, so follow the basics of newborns. Feed, burp, change the bum. At some point during these 3 steps your baby will calm down.   Sometimes all you have to do is pick up the baby and rock him or her or hold them to your chest. Remember touch is a safety blanket for your little bundle of joy 🙂
2. q) I’m so tired, how do I keep up my energy?
   a) Well, if your breast feeding then  co-sleep will help, as long as you are comfortable with sharing the bed with the baby.  The best tip I was ever given was when they nap when you nap!  If you cant nap lay down for a little bit and give yourself a break, the mess is not going to get worse when no one is moving.
3. q) How can I clean and look after a demanding infant?
   a) MIRACLE TRICK a SINGLE PARENT MUST HAVE!!!  Get an infant wrap, this will enable you to keep you baby with you no matter where you go and have use of both hands.  If you do not have one of these then I recommend a small bouncer or swing. The music and motion keeps the baby calm and relaxed while you move around.
4. q) When should I start a sleeping schedule for my baby?
   a) Read as many books as you like, or as many blogs, for the first 3 months your baby will control your sleeping schedule they will all have one thing in common self soothing.  Around 3 months you should let your baby learn to self soothe 5- 10 minutes of crying is healthy for any child.  Once you and your baby are comfortable with self soothing try putting your little one to bed for the “night” at a reasonable time around  8:00 p.m. , expect 2 wake up calls that are for food and changing, but let them self sooth after they wake up the second time before you jump back into it.
5. q) As a single parent I do not have the back up I need to take a break when I am stressed. What do I do?
   a) Remember to breath, your baby is crying for a reason, if you just can’t figure it out give your baby something familiar and maybe some soft music, and take a 5 minute time out. Remember your baby can feel when your stressed and chances are your baby is reacting to your emotions. It does not make you a bad parent to take 5 minutes to calm yourself.

 

So what do you think ?  Is there anything you disagree with or anything you would add? Give me some of your tips and tricks.  

 

Nuclear Family Vs Single Parent Family

If you stumbled upon this blog by accident, were you searching for a place for your parental concerns to be addressed, then stick around.  

What’s the difference between a single parent family and a nuclear family ( 2 parents)  ?  Well here are the definitions:

Nuclear Family

The nuclear family is the traditional type of family structure. This family type consists of two parents and children. The nuclear family was long-held in esteem by society as being the ideal in which to raise children. Children in nuclear families receive strength and stability from the two-parent structure and generally have more opportunities due to the financial ease of two adults. According to U.S. Census data, almost 70 percent of children live in a nuclear family unit.

Single Parent Family

The single parent family consists of one parent raising one or more children on his own. Often, a single parent family is a mother with her children, although there are single fathers as well. The single parent family is the biggest change society has seen in terms of the changes in family structures. One in 4 children is born to a single mother. Single parent families are generally close and find ways to work together to solve problems, such as dividing up household chores. When only one parent is at home, it may be a struggle to find childcare, as there is only one parent working. This limits income and opportunities in many cases, although many single parent families have help from relatives and friends.

I don’t agree with some of these highlighted remarks, personally my child has the same stability that any other child has. I think it’s the parent or the parents  drive to provide for the child and be a good a parent that make a stable situation .
So what do you think???

“Types of Family Structures.” LoveToKnow. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 July 2014. <http://family.lovetoknow.com/about-family-values/types-family-structures&gt;.